DONE IN BY THE LUCE CONNECTION

Helloooo Minions:
Back after a 4 month hiatus to spew some of the good, the bad, and the questionable. In truth, I haven't written in quite a while for two reasons. First, I suffered from a type of writer's block. Specifically, I would get an idea while away from my computer and forget it later on. Or, I would just not have anything to say.

Secondly, I've experienced a sort of "world-weariness" over the last few months. Some may even call it depression, though I don't feel depressed. You know when you get out of your car when you arrive at work, and you look at the building and heave a heavy "UGH," well, that's how I've been feeling about the world.

The state of the Nation, gasoline prices, layoffs and no contract, still, at Amtrak, and a bit of a falling out with a parent (my Mom), led me to just not want to write anything. I decided to keep it inside, not wanting to bore you with my shit. Besides, I didn't think I could mine it for much comedy.

However, this last weekend's events have prompted me to jot a few things down, remind you I'm still here, and send KUDOs to a couple of friends. So here goes:

THE LUCE CONNECTION
Last Saturday I played in a poker tournament at the Eye-Oh-Nay household. I've played in 4 tourneys there, winning the first one, but not faring that well since. And it looked like more of the same, as I was down close to the felt a couple of times and was able to double-up on a couple of All-Ins and keep grinding away. Finally made the Final Table, but was playing against Roy, the G.B. King. Roy is considered by most in our circle of poker playing friends as the best tournament player (probably followed closely by Fred the Stat King).

Roy came to the table as one of the chip leaders, but suffered a few losses and was down to the felt (not many chips left) a couple of times. But as is his way, he made his patented Lazarus-like comeback, and we were both able to survive as players were eliminated. After the two of us DEVASTATED the stack of the homeowner's best friend (Roy and I are his albatrosses), Roy and I end up as the last two guys standing.

Roy excells at heads-up play. He goes All-In alot, pushing it to make you think he's got something so you'll fold, or he really does have something and you just lose outright. After alot of back and forth, I look down at a pair of pocket 7's. I raise the bet and Roy comes over the top and goes All-In. I call, figuring it's a coin toss, unless he's got a higher pair. Roy's got me in chips, roughly 34,000 to 32,000. He flips over Ace-Jack. He doesn't pair the board, but I don't improve either, though I still lead. The River (last card) brings a 10, which completed a Straight for Roy and we were done. Kudos to Roy. He made $300 more than I did ($550-$250). I thought the difference between 1st and 2nd Place money was VERY skewed, seeing as it can all come down to a coin-toss at the end with one guy walking away just being lucky. But no worries. I did alot better than I anticipated and enjoyed the game. Hopefully, I'll get him next time. But wait.....there's more. This wasn't the only time I got Luced this weekend.

Roy's younger brother, Chuck the E.O.D., was my opponent in Fantasy Football. Chuck and I are good friends, but arch-nemeses in the fantasy league. On paper, my team is way better. However, this week on the field, Chuck's team came through, with the help of Dallas QB Tony Romo, with an 84-82 victory. Do you think I could have gotten just a few more yards out of my RB's? Or maybe not have my QB throw 2 interceptions, which cost me 2 points. Or maybe, I could start the right REC's. Nope, and now my season is effectively DONE. At 4-6 with 3 games to play, I have to run the table just to contend for a Wild Card spot. I can do it, but I'll need alot of help from other teams who must lose. Being the Commissioner of the League makes me a bit of a target, and the guys love it when I miss the playoffs...which doesn't happen often.

Anyway.....I owe a big shit sandwich to the Luce Bros., who saw fit to put it up my rear end this weekend. Good thing we're friends, ya bastids.

2008 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
Look, even if you voted for G.W.Bush twice, you gotta admit that his administration and 2nd term have been a shambles. Do you understand we're paying $3 and twenty-something cents for a gallon of gas? He doesn't set the prices, but influences what they are by his policies. Phone conversations monitored, American soldiers dying every day for what?, not allowing gay marriage (if you're against this, then you need to come back to reality and let people live their lives), a government based on religious, Christian fundamentalism, spending BILLIONS on a war we can't win, yet taking money away from domestic programs and AMERICAN people. You and your administration have betrayed the trust of your Nation. You have let us down. You should be thrown in jail or trampled by a thundering herd of elephants after being dragged through a field of cow manure behind a Department of Sanitation truck. At a very high speed. It's time for you to go, George. Go...NOW.

THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE
I don't know how often it will be, but I think I'm ready to correspond with the minions again. Hopefully, you'll forgive my laxity and give me another shot. Doing so would make YOU right, which makes it so LEN IS RIGHT .

Talk to you soon. January 20, 2009 is not that far away.
I am,
Len Tollerton