THE DANCE LESSON AND OUR POOR INJURED DOG

Good morning Minions:
I trust everyone had a decent weekend. Not too bad here on Stover Place. Everything seems to be proceeding accordingly.

Last night Patty and I went to our first Ballroom dance lesson. This was held at Lorraine Michaels Dance Studio, which is right around the corner from us. Our friend, JenCame has been taking dance lessons for a year or so now, and I thought it was something Patty might like to try. She watches Dancing With The Stars, occasionally, and I thought it was something we could do together for fun. Now, I don't mind dancing. I'll do it at weddings, and I'll dance if we're out to a club. But it's just your typical move here, move there, slow dance-fast dance, white-guy stuff. I figured that we could learn some steps and once in a while actually look like we know what we're doing.

It's funny, when you start doing a new activity, or get into something new, you find out that the new world you're going into is an entire sub-culture of people that you never knew existed. For instance, there's a whole sub-culture of bowling people. People who bowl alot (more than once a week), hang out at the bowling alley, drink at the bowling establishment's tavern, and do alot of bowling-related activities. Well, it's the same with dancing. There are alot of folks who take dance lessons, learn Ballroom, Latin, Country-Line, etc... and then hang around to help the teachers by dancing with people in the group. They go to dance parties, have dinner-dances, and talk dance, etc... Some are happy to see you, even though you're a beginner, welcoming you into the "fold" and helping you out with tips, etc...There are also the elitists who have "dancing egos." I guess this is true for any of humanity's sub-cultures (poker players, hob-nobbers, soccer families, you get the idea).

There were 8 couples in our beginner class, though not all were beginners. We started out with the Waltz or Box-Step. This dance is done in 3/4 time, which means 3 beats per measure with the 1/4 note getting one full beat. So, this is as about as easy as it gets. Unfortunately, the instructor used some Country music for us to dance with. Definitely NOT my favorite, but I guess there's not alot of chance you're going to be able to Waltz to Iron Maiden. I did pretty good with that step. Every few minutes, we had to rotate partners, so I got to dance with most of the women. A couple of them actually told me I dance very smoothly, although there was a veteran who was in the class to help out and she kept telling me to get my elbow up and make sure my right hand was just under her shoulder blade ( I had repeatedly placed it on her breast and it was throwing her off.....kidding). Patty felt very self-conscious and wasn't comfortable dancing with other partners. We did well w/each other.

Things were going well until we started learning the Swing Step. This has a slow-slow-quick-quick beat that you have to rock back with your feet (take a step back onto the ball of your foot and then step up and down with the other foot) and then slide to the side. All confidence I was having with the Waltz went out the window with the Swing. I kept getting out of rhythm and had to keep starting over. All of my partners were very patient with me. One of the veterans was nice enough to count out the beat aloud, so I could stay in step. This one is going to take a while for me to get comfortable with. Hopefully, I'm not too white to get this. Old dog/New tricks, ya know?

So, one of these days, if you ladies out there see me at a wedding, come ask me to dance and maybe I'll be able to whirl you around the floor. Of course, I may whirl you out the door and fall on top of you after stepping on your foot, too, so don't rush. We carry on, or in the words of the immortal Chief Dan George, we "Endeavor to Persevere."

THE POOR DOG
Two Fridays ago, while out shovelling after a snow storm, I was clowning with our dog, Harley, who gets very excited in the snow. So, he's tearing around the yard and all of a sudden I hear him yelping his head off. Now he's limping all over the place, and can't put his left foot down. I'm hoping it's just a broken toe-nail or something innocuous. But as a day or two go by, it's apparent this is serious. Last Monday I took him to the vet's and got the bad news. A blown Cranial Cruciate Ligament in his left knee. Hey, wait a minute!! It's not like he was playing football. Now, good friend Roy, the G.B. King's dog blew 2 ACL's in her knee (one in each knee a year apart), and it cost him some serious coin.

So the vet comes in, examines the dog, and starts to discuss options. Procedure A, which has been done for the past 8 years and is recommended will cost around $3000. Yep, you read that number right. $3000 to fix a fuckin' dog's knee. Are you kidding me? 3 Grand? Dude, I don't have health insurance for my dog. This is bull shit. Procedure B, which has been done for the last 20 years will run anywhere form $1500-1750. Jesus Christ, if I wanted to buy a used car, I would have gone to a car dealership. SONOFABITCH!!!

Procedure B is not quite as good as Procedure A, and can break if the dog gets particularly aggressive with his running, thus blowing apart permanent sutures around the knee joint. Great! Just freakin' Great. The dog is only 3 1/2 years old, or we might amputate and call him Tripod.

Now, I'm not necessarilly cheap. Frugal, yes, but not cheap. Now, I've got friends offering me a $3000 loan so we can get Procedure A done. Just so everyone knows, it's not that I can't come up with the money. It's the Principle of the thing. Hey, I know a dog becomes a part of the family, but, shit, it's not like I can put him on our medical insurance. $3000 for a goddamn dog? Crackuh, is you CRAZEEEEE??!! "Oh C'mon Len, have a heart for once. It's the family dog. It's Patty's baby. He's only 3. You can't cheap out on this one." FUCK YOU and the horse you rode in on. $3000 for a freakin' dog? Go smoke some more crack, will ya? FINE!! FINE!! I'll go and spend my entire 40% Back-pay check from our new contract, just so the dog can walk right, okay? Never mind the more pressing matters in our life. Let's get the dog back to snuff. His eating, farting, and generally just laying around the house all day sleeping, does alot for our home. Does anyone else pick up his shit in the yard? No. And what do I get out of this whole thing? Appreciation from the family and my dog-loving friends? Well, yes. But that doesn't stop me from being $3000 poorer. Dipshit Dog.

Of course we're going to go for the gusto!! Of course I'm going to spend the money. All of you out there calling me cheap, I've got 4 words for you. Shut the Fuck Up. $3000 it is. Let's go for it. Okay, I'm done ranting now. Have a nice day. It's the principle, dammit.

BELATED BIRTHDAY WISHES
Hey, I want to wish a belated Happy Birthday to my good friend Kevin "The Roller" Koehler, who turned 54 on March 1st. Kevin is Connor's Godfather and we work together at Amtrak. If you ever sit at a table with Kevin or stand next to him at a party and you're in an extended conversation with him, you'll most likely leave bruised, cause he hits you while talking, occasionally. Our good friend Tony Sansone has left with blunt force trauma more than once after being sat next to Kev at a dinner party. So beware. And Happy Birthday Kev.

Thanks for stopping by LEN IS RIGHT. It's been a pleasure entertaining you for a few minutes. Let's Dance.
I am,
Len Tollerton