MARY McCORMACK AND THE DEATH OF CARLIN

Hello Minions:
I trust everyone had a great weekend. Today was the last day of school for my kids. They're very happy to be done, obviously. My unnamed spouse and I spent almost $1000 on summer camp activities for them this year. Connor is taking Digital Video production and next week has camp for volleyball in preparation for the JV volleyball season, which starts the end of August.
Jackson is taking song writing "architecture", and bowling. It's better than sitting in the house and video-gaming, so I'm sure it'll be worth it. They've really liked all the camps we've sent them to in the past, so...GAME ON, summer's here!!

MARY McCORMACK
USA Network has a new series called In Plain Sight. It's about the Witness Protection Program and stars Mary McCormack as US Marshall Mary Shannon. The show deals with people getting into the program and then some of their difficulties down the road. Mary Shannon is a tough-talking, no-nonsense Marshall who's personal life is a bit of a roller coaster. Needless to say, she's not perfect and is very cynical. Mary McCormack used to be on The West Wing and played Howard Stern's wife, Allison, in the movie, Private Parts.

Okay...my unnamed spouse is really into Denis Leary, Hugh Laurie (House), and lately, Trace Adkins. Well, for me, Mary McCormack is floating my boat these days. I mean, I just think she is super hot. She does an absolutely great job sporting tight jeans and I think she's drop-dead gorgeous. You can have your Eva Longorias and your Charlize Therons (both lovely women in their own rights). I'm taking Mary McC. And I've heard recent rumors that she has been trying to contact me for the purpose of having my children. Apparently, she's read LEN IS RIGHT, and has given up on the rest of the male population in order to get next to me. And really, who can blame her? With all the cookie-cutter, buffed bodied, non-hairy and non-bald men in the California area, you'd think I wouldn't have a chance. But Lo and Behold, she's willing to risk a scandal and is going to try to steal me from my aforementioned unnamed spouse, now that she's got regular work on television. She knows that I require my wimmins to have their own job. Wish me luck. You'll soon be seeing me on the red carpets around the world as Mary takes me as her date to premieres and parties. We won't stay at the parties long, however, because she just can never wait to get back and get all sweaty with a balding, hairy-bodied love pig. That's where I come in. Don't worry, my unnamed spouse, I'll send money home to you when Mary gets paid. Oh, and did I tell you? This has afforded me the chance to say, "Piss Off!" to Amtrak. If I had only known sooner, I wouldn't have wasted 20-some years on the railroad. Me and Mary McCormack, baby, Top of the World!!!

THE DEATH OF GEORGE CARLIN
In the early 70's my parents' friends and one of my childhood friends had a few of George Carlin's comedy albums. Class Clown and Toledo Window Box were the names of the albums I remember. I was probably a little young to be hearing this kind of stuff. But I couldn't believe how funny George Carlin was. I saw him live, once, in 1980 at the Colonie Colisseum, an old outdoor theater around here, that has since closed.

I will always remember George's comedy changing over the years. As he got older, he became more curmudgeon-like and his humor dealt with, what I believe, were some very practical views on the world and less on ridiculousness. He was one of the first people who publicly showed an atheistic view of the world, and I believe he was one of my first influences towards being agnostic or atheistic. That's NOT a bad thing. He was one of the first people who really made sense to me in that regard. And he did it all with humor.

Our country has taken a couple of big icon hits this last week. First Tim Russert passed and now, George Carlin. And though their religious views couldn't have been any more opposite, I think they both may have been able to be great friends, respecting each other's views and having a big laugh at the end.

I think that would have been one hell of a Meet The Press episode. "This is Meet The Press, and I'm Tim Russert. On today's show, we'll discuss the world and how screwed up it really is. This is Heaven, so we have all the time in the world, so to speak. We'll be speaking with the recently deceased and VERY welcome George Carlin, former Pope John Paul II, the late comedian Bill Hicks, John Lennon, and just for shits and giggles, Adolph Hitler. This promises to be very interesting. This is Meet The Press."

The ratings would skyrocket. I think alot of people would tune in to see the dead having a conversation, don't you? I think Russert would have to be very much on his toes to avoid having a public bitch-slapping happen on his show. But always with a smile.

George, I saw your most recent HBO special and thought it was your best in years. You looked like you were showing your age, but your vitriol was still in high-gear. I and many of the rest of the humans on Planet Earth will miss your slanted take on the world, and your humor. You helped us look at words alot differently, and you helped us all take ourselves a little bit less seriously. It says something for you when you know that people really look forward to seeing you. To hear a roomful of people roaring laughter at your words must be as great as a musician hearing a crowd of people singing along with his/her songs.

Though George and I don't believe in Heaven or Hell, if there is a Heaven, I'm sure God would want to have George around for a few laughs when things got a little serious. Here's hoping that if all that's true, that George can influence God to comedically bring about the demise of some of the world's biggest losers. Like, maybe George could get Osama Bin Laden to croak while having a gay 3-some, while eating a pulled pork sandwich. Or maybe he could get DICK Cheney to meet his demise while buying crack in South Central LA. I could come up with a ton of them, but I'll stop here.

Rest In Peace, George Carlin. And lets remember that LEN IS RIGHT.

I am,
Len Tollerton