The Preakness Stakes and Gasoline In America

Hello and Welcome. Today is a rainy Friday (in upstate NY), May 19. First, I'm going to give you my take on this Saturday's Preakness Stakes from Baltimore, the second jewel in horse racing's Triple Crown. Then, a little humor as I will give you my solution to our country's gas problem.

THE PREAKNESS STAKES
On Saturday, Barbaro, winner of this year's Kentucky Derby, will attept to get the second leg of the Triple Crown. Now as many of you know, I liked Barbaro in the Derby. And just as Smarty Jones last year, Barbaro is also an undefeated race horse. Is Barbaro Smarty Jones? Well, I'm not sure. Since there are only nine horses entered in the Preakness, post position will not be a factor in this mile and 3/16 race. The reason I bring that up is that before Derby day, there were alot of people who thought that Brother Derek was the horse to bet on. And in truth, he made a valiant effort to get 4th in the Derby after starting in the 18th hole.

I really think that Barbaro can do it again. Now I generally don't like betting the chalk because there's no money in it. At this time, Barbaro is Even Money. I don't know how you can go against him until he loses. Are you willing to bet that this is the time he DOES lose? Well, that's your choice. With Brother Derek in the 5 hole this time, I think we're going to have a close race. So, prove me wrong. Barbaro's my horse. I think we're hoping that these two fine animals will wage a fierce and classic battle down to the wire. I think in any combination bet you make, you should throw the both of them in there, especially in Triple and Superfecta box combos.

Obviously if you play an Exacta of the two horses, you're not going to make any money (unless you throw $500 on it). You will be able to show your friends you had the winning ticket, but that's about it. It probably won't even cover a nice dinner out.

WHAT ABOUT A LONGSHOT?
So, if you're going to play a Triple, or throw higher odds horses in in some Exacta wagering, you need to find one that actually has a chance. There are 3 other horses out of the remaining 7 that are worth looking at. Sweetnorthernsaint is the 3rd favorite right now, at 4-1. I personally believe this horse is going to be one of those racers that just can't get it done in the Crown. Maybe a 2nd or 3rd at Belmont, but not this time. I think he's the Teaser who ends up making people go broke. Lots of potential then poof, nada.

The horse I think is going to cause some trouble is Like Now, coming out of post position #1. This horse has won and had a second at a mile and 1/16. He's also won at 6 furlongs. I think if he gets out of the gate well, he's got a chance to put his 2-cents in and at least get into the money. At 12-1, he's my Longshot pick.

Finally, if you're going to throw a deep longshot into your combos, I would be using Diabolical. Yes, he's 30-1. Yes he's coming out of the 9 hole. Here's an interesting stat. He's been in the money in 7 of his last 8 races, and has won 2, including his last one at Delmar (1 mile). Now I don't profess to be any kind of smart handicapper, and my record can certainly prove that. But to me, a horse that gets his nose into the money 7 out of 8 times, has a chance to do it again. And with the right trip, this horse could pull a stunning upset if Barbaro and Brother Derek tire each other out down the stretch. Could chaos rule the day? With a name like DIABOLICAL, you bet.

THE POSSIBLE GASOLINE SOLUTION FOR AMERICA
Gas prices near ar at $3 per gallon. The search for alternate fuels. Hybrid cars. Dependency on foreign sources and a madman in Venezuela (where gas is around 15 cents/gal.--they are one of the OPEC nations) who wants us and our government dead. Exxon/Mobil makes a record corporate profit ($360 billion in 2005 on the backs of the American public) and their CEO retires and gets a retirement package of $600 million. Where does it end?

It ends right here my friends in the good old USA. How? I have a plan to not only help the American consumer, but to help the American farmer as well. And we, each and every one of us can do our part. We have the technological minds in our country. We have scientists who've come up with great, miraculous things. So I have what I think is the answer to the high gasoline prices. Someone just needs to find a way to implement it.

The answer? METHANE. What's that you say? Methane? Yup. Good ole bowel gas. We all have it. Our creator gave us all the things on our Earth to survive, right? ( Iknow...that doesn't sound very atheistic of me.....work with me for a bit, okay?) There must have been a real reason besides comfort that we all fart. Do we fart purely for the purpose of childish humor? Do we fart to gross other people out? Is it just merely a kind of check-valve to get rid of impurities? NO!! I say, NO!!

My friends, I know people who have harnessed incredible power in their bowels and have unleashed rips that could be registered on a Geiger counter. You know who you are. And whether it's just an early morning innocuous Air Fart with little or no smell, or a pre-bowel movement blast that peels the paint off of walls or causes a person's afro to straighten, it's all good methane. We've all got it. Let's use it for good, not as a weapon.

HOW DO AMERICAN FARMERS FIGURE INTO THIS?
This is the simplest part ant the beauty of the whole plan. For a couple of decades the American farmer has needed help, right? Farm-Aid and such have been going on to supplement the incomes of thousands of American family farmers. It's a shame this has had to go on for so long. If we can harness the power of bowel gas, a.k.a. methane, we could reduce our foreign dependency on gasoline. How do we make methane? Easy. Repeat after me. "CABBAGE, BEANS, AND FRUIT!! OH MY!!.......CABBAGE, BEANS, AND FRUIT!! OH MY!! These are the basic things that get people tooting. Broccoli, corn and peanuts do, too. I believe the U.S. could be the world leader in supplying these commodities to ourselves and the rest of the world. How great would that be? If we could find a way to power our vehicles on bowel gas supplied by the ingestion of fruits and vegetables, we would not only ELIMINATE our need for foreign help, but the rest of the world would become DEPENDENT ON US!! I can see my Nobel prize being mailed out already.

THE PROBLEM
How, exactly, do we get the bowel gas out of us and into a usable form for our vehicles? How can we get this new form of energy into use for home heating? (Boy is NIMO and Con Edison going to hate me). The Answer? I have no freakin' idea. I'm not paid to come up with the technological solution. That's for the egg-heads that went to Engineering school. There's a ton of them out there. RPI in Troy has graduated thousands of techie nerds, and gadget freaks who would probably LOVE the chance to work on this project. We need some kind of pump and recepticle to harvest, or gather the methane. Then some kind of hose and pump to deliver it to a tank. Finally, an engine that will use it efficiently.

THE OUTCOME
Gas will be inexpensive, since we will supply it with our own bodies. The American farmer will flourish because of the need for their crops. The car companies will make money from the sale of new cars. Methane is not damaging to the environment. If it was we'd have found a way and made it illegal to fart. The world will need us to live. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Let the chanting start!! "LEN IS A GENIOUS! LEN IS A GENIOUS!! LEN IS A GENIOUS!!" Make it happen Number One!! You know this can work. It's a well-thought out plan. And above all else..........LEN IS RIGHT!!!

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