ENCOUNTERED REALISTIC IRONIES

Hey People, what's up?
Today's topic is the concept of IRONY. By definition, IRONY is the disharmony between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result.

How many of us realize that irony goes on in our lives all the time? We don't always catch it, as we are often entrenched in our routines. But sometimes realization hits. Let me give you a few examples of what I mean.

THE CRUEL IRONY OF PARENTHOOD
A personal example of irony in a cruel vein would be this: My father was a guy who was NOT into sports. He was more into the Fine Arts. Literary(read a ton), Artsy(theater, music, art), Culinary (mixed a GREAT cocktail, could cook anything), he was a guy you could hang out with and have a first-class time, because you'd be exposed to good food and drink, music, and conversation and perhaps a really good play. You weren't drinking Fleischman's liquor, it was always top-shelf.

So, what does this guy get for his ONLY child? He gets a TOTAL Jock-Rocker. Lived and Breathed all sports. Could tell you stats till the cows came home. All-Star in baseball. Found the sound of Hard Rock and Heavy Metal and thought he would never feel anything better than the sound of a Power chord struck on a Gibson Les Paul, played through a Marshall stack, on 11. It was like plugging into the wall socket and Riding the Lightning. (right now, my friend BVA is simultaneously laughing his ass off and retching up whatever flavor microwave burrito he's eating) Don't get me wrong, I can wine, dine, and Fine Art it with anyone. But you see my meaning. That would be IRONY.

Cruel Irony comes now that I have kids. My 2 boys walk around my house with Dad having Mets games on the TV, Chiefs clothing and Fantasy Football going on all fall, Metal coming from the computer speakers whlie Dad is screaming along with Bruce Dickenson of Iron Maiden, and what do I get? 2 boys who aren't really into sports or the metal, although they're both coming around to my musical tastes (screw you Brian) because of Guitar Hero and the iPod. I constantly push sports for reasons of health, fun, and teamwork or competition dynamics. I've been a coach, manager, and spectator (the toughest of the 3). They've not, to this point, embraced anything major, sports-wise. But that's them. They are parts of MORE than just ME. And as they grow and develop their own selves, I realize that maybe my influence hasn't been lost on them. That realization also qualifies, to me, as being fairly ironic. Oh, BTW, if I had access to the kind of video games they have, when I was a kid, I'd be playing them all the time, too. Oh, Irony, breathe your cruel wind over my soul.

MORE IRONY IN LEN-LAND
Now THIS irony is especially cruel to me. It's well-documented in the lives of ALOT of men that shit starts happening to your body after the age of 30 that you say, "Aww, that's not right." My personal example is about hair. Being a Metal head in the 80's meant a certain look. Some guys just grew their hair long and let it go. Some, got all permed and dressed up, like they were in the band Poison or Brittny Foxxx. Posers. Then there were the guys, like me, in the middle-kind of, where you grew your hair long, but got the perm cause your hair looked shitty straight. Anyway, you look like a rocker.

Then a few years pass and the bald-spot starts and styles in the world change. And you realize that you look ridiculous with long hair. Then you find out how easy it is to care for no hair. But you see your friends, or older people with full heads of hair and you start to become jealous. So you wish you had hair again. (side note: NEVER did I EVER consider hair-replacement at any time. You can ALWAYS tell it's fake, and the drugs are hit-and-miss at best) One day you find that your wish has been answered, but with a whole heaping dose of IRONY.

Why? Because the hair is growing on your BODY. Great for warmth in the winter. Sucks for the beach in summer. There is absolutely no reason for me to have grown the hair on my body and lost it on my head, where I want it. Does this end up being bad karma reprisal from an earlier existence? I don't know, but there's got to be someone somewhere saying,"Heh-heh. That was a good one." "What?" "Tollerton wished for hair. I grew a bear's worth for him...on his body. HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Yeah, yuk it up you ironically cruel bastard. I hope you get a nut wart. Jeez, I probably ought to stop making wishes. "Be careful what you wish for, My Dear, or you shall surely get it."

AND ONE MORE
I have a family friend who is a pretty tough guy. One night, back in the early 60's he was driving along a city street when he saw a man slapping the shit out of a woman, outside of a bar. So, not liking this, he stops and goes over to the guy and puches him out. He thinks he's done a decent thing, when the woman who was getting the crap kicked out of her attacks him and tells him to mind his own business. Stunned, he walked back to his car shaking his head, wondering, WTF!! The irony here is that you think you have a person's best interests at hand and you say something or make an action that you think is helpful, only to realize that asking first would have been a better choice. Or maybe to realize that you don't know what that person's life is, really. You can't walk in another's shoes or see through their eyes, or think what they think or feel. The knee-jerk reaction is, generally, never good. It can end up alienating others, especially those close to you. Don't make this mistake. We can't all save the world and the ironic thing is that parts of the world don't WANT to be saved. There's a message for someone there, I think. Maybe it's me.

I invite you to read a CLASSIC story of irony that goes hand-in-hand with the Holidays. The story is by Ohenry, and is entitled The Gift of the Magi. Many of you are probably very familiar with this timeless tale of love and irony. Click on the link below. Please take the time to check it out, it's only 2 pages long. www.online-literature.com/O_henry/1014/

Enjoy and thanks for stopping by LEN IS RIGHT.
I am,
Len Tollerton